Part II: Positive Alternatives

Prep. Drawing for Laughter
Charcoal and graphite on paper
18 x24"
2007

I should mention that the way the exhibition is now arranged will direct relationships between one piece to its counterpart. In other words, every facial expression has an "opposite" and will be facing it. Laughter, for example, will be located directly opposite of Rage. If you can recall the Rage image, it's clear that the face uses almost the same muscles when it forms an angered expression and when it forms one of laughter. Interestingly, becoming enraged represents incarcerating oneself by one's own emotions while laughter represents the exact opposite. Laughter is an expression of liberation. I think of it is an expelling of positive energy. Sometimes, laughter can be seen as a mask, however. In this case, it would serve as a protection device.

In retrospect, I'm starting to think that all of the emotions we experience are negative but in order to proceed with life we supercede those negative emotions with positive ones. I'm discovering that the will to be positive may be just as important as the expressing of positive emotions.


The first image is a photograph of the prep. drawing for the print photographed on the bottom.

Prep. Drawing for Contemplation
Graphite on paper
18 x 24"
2007

Arrogance: Man as God

Arrogance
Oil Pastel on paper
20 x 24"
2006

As I previously discussed, the inevitable feeling of inadequacy of being human is appropriate because we were created. Because we were created by a Higher Being, we strive to ulimately be like Him. God-likeness is man's goal, in other words. Our decision-making, action-taking, and emotional dispositions are effected by this drive toward the Universal Good.

Often, however, the goal becomes obscured by our own selfish motives. We begin to separate ourselves from the Universal and fall in love with our particular needs. Here, we tend to place our desires ahead of everyone else's needs. Suddenly, our goals are more important and we feel that we have a sort of "priority" over others. This, of course, is arrogance, or as I understand it, replacing God, the Universal goal, with oneself, a particular need. For some, this state of mind incumbently defines their character. For others, it's only felt once in a while. Whatever the case, it is part of human nature to get caught up in goals.

In arrogance, man places himself at the top of an imaginary hierarchy, a false class structure. The only hierarchical relationship that exists by nature is the one between the Creator and the created. Despite the classes we invent on Earth to order society are trumped immediately by the natural Order. We forget that a lot!

This would have been part of my thesis exhibition but I felt that the image was not illustrative enough. The drawing was fairly successful but it would have been difficult to create an adequate print made of small dots. I chose to elimate it completely. No print was ever created.

Animality present in humanity

Rage
Oil Pastel on paper
20 x 26"
2006

Although this image freaks most people out, it was one of the most satisfying drawings that I've ever produced. It was satisfying because it effectively conveys bestial qualities of extreme levels of anger, that is, rage. Of course, it's rare for a person to manifest their anger to the degree that their face would appear this demonic. But doesn't rage feel like a possession? By possession I mean the instance in which one's reason is abducted and replaced by passion-- in this case a diabolical, violent passion.

Born a nervous child, I often threw violent temper tantrums. I remember how my mother would warn me during outbursts: "¡pareces un demonio!" or "you're acting like a demon!" I'm better now.

What is interesting to me is that none of us has ever actually seen a demon. We just have an idea of what a demon would look like. Prototypes and symbols are based off of experience, in this case, what we see and feel when we experience disharmony within ourselves. I believe that that idea of a demon is an image that was created by observing humans in the midst of "losing it." When I focus on the word demonic, I am going beyond Satanic, malicious implications-- those are obvious. I'm concentrating on the human capacity to participate in the absence of reason, the welcoming of an inner disorder. Man is distinct from beast in his use of reason. Becoming angry to the point of "losing" reason is rage. Rage indicates an embracing of chaos and turbulence--a loss of balance and composure. Only negation of reason would permit that. Because of this, rage is bestial--inhumane. Interestingly, it's extremely present in human emotion.

If you don't think this is what anger looks like, try watching a kid get angry. With no desire to moderate emotions, kids exemplify human primitivity!

Drawing for print
Permanent marker on mylar
17 x 23"
2006

This is a picture of the 3 levels of what would become a lithograph version of the drawing, Rage. Actually, I had to re-dot the blue level because blue does not absorb light as well as it should. When burning the image onto the photo-sensitive positive plate, almost none of the dots burned. I had to go back with a red Sharpie, which, by the way, is the best color besides black to draw these types of images out. There is also a black level and a solid background level. I'd say that all together it took me 20 hours to prepare these drawings.

Rage
Lithograph
17 x 23"
2007

I'm happy. I don't usually find good use for backgrounds. I think they are distracting. I feel the same way about titles. In this case, however, the background played in important role in serving as a representation of the boundary between reason and passion. Since I believe that man is transported into a realm of disorder when enraged, I thought it would be appropriate to depict the face physically emerging through a wall.

This one took 20 cumulative hours. I experienced major issues with the solid layer. I worked with fairly loose ink-- the viscosity was where it was supposed to be. Despite that, I was seeing lap marks, or annoying lines on the paper that mark where the roller starts and stops. I ended up using a roller with a large diameter--a good 8-10". With that, all problems were solved. I went from doing 5 drops to just a double drop.

Envy: The Result of Being Incomplete

Envy
Lithograph
16" x 15"
2006

The first, or "negative," part of my two part exhibition series depicts emotions that are caused by a sense of dissatisfaction by the person feeling that particular emotion. Universally, we feel a sense of being incomplete because in the grand scheme of things we are all working towards Totality. We have to work towards totality because we are incomplete. We are incomplete because we were created. It's part of being human. As long as we are human, we feel and are incomplete.

Jealousy is the desire to have or be something else. Since something is missing, we feel incomplete and are compelled to fill gaps of emptiness. This lithograph portrays a person "green with envy" whose smile is questionably a smirk of disgust. Her hair, unnecessarily voluminous and superficially pink, serves as a great "cloak" for her true emotions. She literally hides behind the mass of pink fakeness. I really enjoyed playing with the pink and it's implications along with green and it's implications. The fact that they are complementary is a plus! I didn't feel it was necessary to dot the hair because it's supposed to be superficial, or not true to the nature of the person or emotion depicted.

In terms of labor, these prints are exhausting. This one in particular took me around 30 cumulative hours to print an edition of 10. I don't remember how long the design process took. I'm not completely satisfied with the product. There were some defects in the design. The good thing is that when I produce art, I learn from the mistakes I make. Mistakes are good. Now, I work more attentively on the preparatory sketches as well as the mylar drawings before I even THINK about printing.

Here is a look at a prep. drawing for this print:


Green With Envy: The Story of a Very Good Faker
Oil Pastel on paper
20" x 16"

The Dots: Thinking Universally

Paranoia
Lithograph
16" x 22"
2006

This is the very first print I produced in my senior thesis exhibition series of self portraits. In this 8 piece series which will be exhibited in May, I chose to pursue the theme of universals and particulars. All of the images have been composed of tiny dots-- stippling. The arranged group of dots (the image) represents humanity in that each dot can symbolize an individual being. Universally, we participate in the ultimate "whole."

Throughout my work, I’ve maintained an interest in the theme of universality-- universality composed of the particular things that are integral to and define humanity. My artistic endeavors are devoted to tapping into emotions. In my experience, emotions are what most primitively connect all humans to one another. Every day our emotional responses inform our actions and dispositions, whether positive or negative. Oftentimes, emotions seem inappropriate or exaggerated—a sign of instability and vulnerability. As a result, it has become rather unfavorable to express them. I’ve found that this type of condition is more common than we think. Our individual, particular emotions, although at times unreasonable, are universally experienced. It is our responsibility as intellectual beings to supercede negative emotions that enslave humanity. Instead, it is important to find ways to use emotions to elevate the spirit. The human body, most specifically, the face, manifests emotional responses most accurately. In this series of self portraits, I attempt to, as a particular, connect with a universal audience about the emotions we all experience.